At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
