I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
