I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
