life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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