I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
