in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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