Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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