Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
