Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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