Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
