you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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