I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
