At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
