These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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