hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Is it because I queefed?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
