I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Life is so much better after having sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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