shes about as inviting as chlamydia
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
