she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
