Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
