I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
