We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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