I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
