so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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