Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
