PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We left the knife in your bed.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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