I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
