what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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