Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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