I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Two words: blizzard sex
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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