You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
