What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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