Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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