I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
