I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
