I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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