i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
one might say we're banned from that church
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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