it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
