Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
