I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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