one word: firstdatebathroomanal
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
