Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
