It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
