You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
