Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
