i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
