"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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