i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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