singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
