I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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