woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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