I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
