once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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